This is a fancy way of saying “16 days until Baby G is supposed to come into this world.” Biceps and I are feeling a little more prepared, but I tend to freak out silently from time to time. I have a few questions that no one seems to be answering:
1. What if the baby comes early and I’m not ready?
–The typical answer: Oh, you’ll be ready, you say.
–My rebuttal: Oh yeah? You don’t know my emotional ramping-up needs. It took me two years to be emotionally ready for marriage after a terrible break-up with the “wrong guy”. TWO YEARS. I could have acquired a Master’s Degree in that time.
2. What if I toot around my kid, then realize I shouldn’t have, then apologized, then he/she tells on me in some ridiculously public place and uses this ammunition as their own leverage to toot willy-nilly?
–The typical answer: That’s the least of your worries, you say.
–My rebuttal: Is it? I have a non-tooting reputation to uphold. Be quiet any of you out there that know otherwise.
3. What if not getting enough sleep, along with my hormones going wacko, along with a dirty house, piles of laundry and a messy kitchen causes me to just walk out of the house one day and never come back? What if I’m not quite the superhero woman I think I am?
–The typical answer: You’ll adjust, you say. You’re going to get used to your house being messier, the dishes not being done and you’ll eventually get sleep.
–My rebuttal:You apparently don’t know my obsessive-compulsiveness or my extreme need for a clean house.
4. What if I totally screw up my kid and they turn into some sort of Hannibal Lecter or a serial killer or, even worse-don’t like cats?
–The typical answer: You’re going to screw up for sure, you say. But you won’t screw up this badly.
–My rebuttal: I once put my baby brother underneath a clothes hamper, sat on top of it and didn’t move until I was threatened by my mother. Who does that? And, I’m sure Hitler’s mother didn’t think she would screw up Adolf. Look what happened there.
5. What if my kid follows my pattern of a self-absorbed childhood thinking I looked awesome in this dress, my risky teenage years of driving too fast and dating too old of guys, ill-planned college years where I barely made A’s and broke a boy’s heart out of complete selfishness and finally a few adult years of somewhat gained but lackluster maturity where I see few peaks but mostly valleys of incompetence?
–The typical answer: Your kid is going to be awesome. Besides, you’ve got Bicep’s influence and he’s awesome.
–My rebuttal: I’ll give you that. Biceps is awesome.
What were your biggest worries or fears before becoming a parent?