Right now, I bet you are a little uncomfortable after reading the title. You might be wondering why I’m not dead from an immediate strike of lightening and you are slowly moving away from your own computer, afraid of the after effects of my impending doom.
Good thing that God knows the heart of this writer and not your heart-which apparently believes I deserve a strike of lightening. You naughty reader, you.
I woke up at 5:02 this morning (Biceps let me sleep in 2 whole minutes) and after saying aloud, “God is so full of it!”, I realized how funny it was. I laughed for awhile.
Things are always most humorous when one is lacking sleep.
But, God is full of it. He is so full of hope, grace, mercy, creativity, love, righteousness…the list goes on and on. Let me give you an example. You see this storm here? It looks pretty bad, doesn’t it? As this rolled in, I was pretty sure we were all about to see the end of the world.
The sky turned black. The birds quit singing. The trees stopped moving. The cats clawed at the rugs. (Well, that’s just normal for them. Sorry. Ignore that last statement.)
However, a whole lot of nothing happened. There was a downpour for a few minutes which cooled off the earth, watered my garden and filled my rain barrels.
And then, the storm moved on. It reminded me of one of the darkest hours in my life.
I’m about to get real and I will probably be judged by a few of you. I might even smash the facade you have of me. But, if I can’t be real about my past how can you trust me in the present?
Back in college, I didn’t have a strong relationship with the Lord. Sure, I believed in Him. I was going to a Christian University-that was kind’ve a prerequisite (not really-money was the prerequisite). I read my Bible. I lifted my hands at the appropriate times-but when it came to Him being the LORD of MY life-yeah…not so much.
I was bad, I treated my fiance at the time badly, which made our relationship go bad, which allowed the other “Christians” around me be bad to me.
I was asked not to come back to class by my professors-during finals mind you-because I was a “distraction” to the other students. Overnight, I lost all of my friends save two. I quit going to the cafeteria because I was so humiliated. I shrank to 98 pounds and really had no desire to eat.
I allowed the fiance to torture me for the next two months, along with his family. I received hateful phone calls at all hours and put up with them-thinking I deserved them.
I truly believed what they said to me-“I was a gold ring in a pigs snout.”
And that’s where God found me. Alone, ashamed, humiliated, wishing for death to end my pain laying on the bathroom floor. He found me and spoke to my spirit the simplest words, “You’re going to be alright.”
For the first time in years I wanted to read the Bible and the Word came alive to me. I read this:
“Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord; O Lord, hear my voice. Let your ears be attentive to my cry for mercy. If you, O Lord, kept a record of sins, O Lord, who could stand? But with you there is forgiveness; therefore you are feared. I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope.” Psalm 130:1-6
Nothing changed overnight. I was still reaping the consequences of my sin. Almost two years had to pass before I felt truly whole again. And almost a decade had to pass before I could truly forgive myself and look others in the eye that knew of my past. Tulsa is small, too small.
So, dear readers, whatever situation you are in right now, know that “You are going to be alright”. God is so full of hope, mercy, love, forgiveness, and more. He can meet you right where you are. Even if you are laying on the bathroom floor right now, wishing for it all to end. He loves you. He forgives you. Ask Him to make His Word alive to you once more. He will not let you down.