Tag Archive for: christmas

Christmas is over-what’s next on the list?

Every year, around August, I start thinking about and planning for Christmas. Biceps and I begin discussing that year’s Christmas photo  and I begin gathering costuming and necessary accoutrements.

 


And, I have a theory about Christmas:

Lists rule, disorganization drools.

 

List for 2012 Christmas Card Photo:

1. Angel Wings
2. Large Tighty-Whities
3. My “dress”-a white sheet
4. Halo
5. Red Jeans
6. Cape
7. Devil Horns
8. Triton

Totally normal Christmas Photo shoot list for most families, I assume.

 


And sometime after Thanksgiving, I start scheming for Bicep’s birthday-(also known as my “pre-Christmas”), because he’s a Christmas Eve baby.

List for Bicep’s Birthday:

1. Egg pancakes for Birthday breakfast (Greiman tradition)
2. Some sort of weaponry present
3. Some sort of clothing item present that he will probably return
4. Chocolate cake with chocolate frosting with chocolate ice cream (plus more chocolate options, just in case)
5. Back-up Chocolate

 


Now, if you know anything about Biceps and I-you know that we are frugal. Christmas is budgeted throughout the year, with a little set aside each month. That way, when present making (or for this year-present buying) comes around, we don’t go into a sticker-shock-induced-coma.

 


Usual List for homemade presents:

1. 95 Ripe Bananas (boy, do the cashier’s give us a weird look)
2. 8 Bags Pretzel Rods
3. 4 Packages Almond Bark
4. 5 Bags Flour
5. 5 Bags Sugar
6. 3 Jars Molasses
7. 2 Bags Peppermint Candy
8. Etc….

 


And then there’s the Thank You Note List for Gifts Received (past, present and future):

1. Golden Toilet Lighter from Daniel
2. Self-Adhesive Mustache Pack from Christy
3. Portrait of a Sheriff from Beau
4. Inappropriately Shaped Pine Cone Ornament from Carisa
5. Pooping Penguin from Justin
6. 1966 Ford Mustang from Biceps

 


But now, the carefully planned out lists have been fulfilled and thrown away. The presents have been unwrapped, the meals have been eaten and the house is silent.

And, it’s time to put all the Christmas cheer back in its appropriate box, wrap it up in tissue paper and store it-once more-up in the attic, until next Christmas.

And I am left with a “Christmas-less” house-until next August when the planning begins again. I don’t have a list anymore. It’s a little disconcerting.

What’s next on your list?

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3 Weeks Until Christmas

Confession time: Christmas is my absolute, unequivocally, most favorite time of year. I start the Christmas Carols on Thanksgiving day and don’t stop until well into January. I decorate the day after Thanksgiving and love creating new themes each year for the house. My station is tuned to 94.1, which in Tulsa is “all Christmas-all the time”.

And one of my favorite things to do this time of year is to create a bizarre Christmas photo with my best friend and husband.

Here are a few from Christmas past:

 


2007.
Ah, yes. The ’80′s were a good decade. The hair, the high waisted swimsuits, the neon colors, the immovable cobra hair. Could it get any better than that?

 


2005.
Our house blew up. Seriously. Why not wish our friends and family Merry Christmas with a picture of total devastation?

 


2008.
Bananas in hammocks. ‘Nuff said.

If your appetite is now whetted and you aren’t satisfied with just three lovely Christmas Card pictures-don’t worry. There’s more where this came from. Including litter boxes, cats, missionaries, glamour shots and more.

We’ve been doing this since our first year of marriage in 2001 and we just finished this year’s beauty. I wish I could share 2012′s masterpiece with you now, but I must wait until all recipients on my long list have received their cards first.

Let’s just say, it’s pretty awesome.

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Deceitfully Yours-Kittens and Christmas

They look innocent and act as if they never do anything wrong. As Bianca scratches at the rug, I firmly say, “No!”. She looks up at me and doesn’t stop. That’s when the spanking happens. It doesn’t faze her. In fact, when I’m spanking Max, he plops over, shows his belly and starts purring. How can you discipline that?

I still try, but more often than not end up laughing. I know-terrible parenting.

 


But, we’ve had some issues this Christmas that’s about to push me over the edge. My firm “NO!”, the increased velocity on the spankings, and air horn blasts that deafen me-are not doing the trick.

Ornaments are found broken and strewn about if I turn my back for a second. And they sit there in the midst of the rubble as if they have no idea how it happened.

 


Our home has become a battleground instead of the peaceful Christmas atmosphere I was hoping for. If I leave home, I have to prop a chair against the swinging door leading from the living room into the kitchen to banish these two naughty ornament destroyers.

(They’ve figured how to push against the door to get it to open. These are highly trained ninja cats.)

 


And the two guest bathroom doors have to remain shut, because they cannot handle the temptations of the tinsel and tiny ornaments in jars.

Their world is getting smaller and smaller and they aren’t liking it.

 


They may look docile, have extremely cute paws and cuddle me to death at night, but don’t be deceived. These highly trained ninja cats with razor sharp claws are on a mission to destroy Christmas and my sanity.

Help! How do you keep your animals away from your Christmas decor?

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Behind the scenes of Normalcy

You and I both know that for every finished family photo hanging on a wall, there had to be 10 more weird ones rejected. Whether you are the photographer or hired a camera-snapper to do the dirty work-you’ve seen what I’m talking about.

Little Aden is picking his nose. Grandma is coughing into a kleenex. Brother Nimrod is rolling his eyes. And of course, the rabbit ears are a must in at least one photo.

So, when you saw my somewhat normal family photos, you probably thought-”Yeah, but what do they really look like?”.

 


Let’s discuss this photo.

1. I didn’t make it into the frame, because I set the delay and tripped over the curb.
2. On the left, Biceps doesn’t seem to be helping the distracting situation by dancing.
3. Neither is my oldest (and should be MOST mature) brother who is engaging in some sort of air guitar.
4. Several persons are including the eyes-closed method for taking pictures.
5. One child is intrigued with the veins on the leaves. I get it. They’re cool. But let’s wait for science discoveries until after the photo shoot.
6. One child has paddle hands.
7. The other two look as if they would rather be anywhere else other than here.
8. Pretty much the only “normals” are my 94 year old grandmother and beautiful sis-in-law on the right in an ivory sweater.

But, this is an improvement.

From this.

 


Who are my stand-ins while I try to find the right lighting. However, things get weirder.

 


Remember the aforementioned “normal” sis-in-law? She ain’t looking so normal now, is she? More creepy than anything…

 


It’s just getting creepier.

 


Do you see what I have to deal with? And I’m so normal, I just don’t understand this weirdness.

 

Seriously.

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