What am I? A fine wine? I suppose there are worse things to be…

Typically, I make a big deal out my birthday. I start planning a month in advance, have a theme, and throw a party. But this year, I was less than excited about turning 35. AND, Biceps had to work on my big day, so I knew I would be celebrating my day-alone. Wah.

However, my sweet Biceps-who reads my mind (aka-just looks at me)-knew how I was feeling. He put in a quick call to a friend, and before I knew it-inches were coming off.

And not around my waist. (A girl can dream.)

My BSF partner (in crime) bought me a vegan muffin and skinny hazelnut latte for breakfast, a fabulous lunch, and she willingly colored my hair and cut me some fancy bangs. I felt spoiled and it was awesome.

After a lovely night on the porch with my kitties and birthday wishes from friends, I called it a night. For suddenly becoming 35 over night, it was still a pretty good day…

But wait-there’s more-a lot more. The next morning, I opened my gift from Biceps-a 38 Special Revolver. Hello!

Happy Birthday to me and God Bless America, all in one.

Biceps went “treat” shopping and he knows what a girl wants, what a girl needs…and she needs options of both sweet and salty, olives and Mike and Ikes, cashews and chocolate. Totally normal, right?

Biceps also made my favorite cake-German Chocolate-to enjoy later in the evening. And yes the candles do read, “Bappy Hirthday” because Biceps thinks he’s hilarious. And he is.

Another lunch out-but this time with Biceps, we partook of aforementioned treats, time on the porch together, and a catnap. After scrubbing the crusties from our eyes, our family and friends who were willing to eat cake and ice cream with me, ventured over to celebrate.

All in all, I suppose 35 isn’t so bad. America! Happy Birthday! Guns and Cake!

Anywho-it’s obviously Mother’s Day and I want to praise the woman the raised me (Mom) and the one that raised the man that I’m deeply, passionately in love with (Connie-Mom).

I would like to share a few things that these ladies did well in regards to being a Mom. And, I hope to encourage all of you that may be-even right this moment-frazzled, worn out, frustrated and re-thinking that whole “mom” thing.

The biggest thing that I learned from my mom was:
1. Consistency is paramount in regards to both love and discipline. I knew that if I crossed the line, I would be punished for it-often by writing inches out of the dictionary or the Bible. I do give a tip of the cap to my mother for “allowing” me to have such an expansive vocabulary. I also knew that when my jacked-up, gymnastics-back was keeping me awake at night, mom would come into my room and rub my back until I fell asleep.

2. Choosing to make life fun is an intentional decision-it doesn’t just happen. And “fun” doesn’t have to be expensive-fun comes by catching lightening bugs, making pizzas, playing board games and taking bike rides. As a family, we never went on a cruise, visited exotic places or went on ski vacations. Those things aren’t bad to do-they just weren’t an option when I was growing up. Instead, my best memories consist of sitting around the fireplace, drinking Five Alive, eating popcorn and playing Sorry.

3. God comes before everything-even before me. My mother has had a consistent quiet time ever since I can remember. I knew not to interrupt her and I knew it was in my best interest if she spent time with God before conversing with humans.

4. Dad and Mom presented a unified front, one that us kids knew we couldn’t break apart.
Once a decision was made, I never thought to try to continue to get my way. Well, maybe “never” is a strong word. How about, “most of the time”. At any rate, I knew it was futile. Those parents of mine were resolute.

I love you so much, Mom. Thank you for being consistent, fun, Godly and resolute. I hope I can be half the woman you are, someday.

Enough is enough. Time for some fun-and time to observe life/art in a new way-a sassy way.

Hey, “Eyebrows”. I mean…seriously. Even back then they had scissors and ways to bleach hair. Do something about it.

“A ticked-off cat”. I know this. I feel this. I’ve seen this. Life is art.

Mr. Abs: “Yes, I do Paleo. Yes, I do Crossfit. Yes, I wear coolouts. Yes, I shave my head into a weird pony tail. Why do you ask?”
Me: “Um. No reason at all. You look…awesome?”

Lady on the left: “Don’t pretend you were ‘caught’ in this pose. Get some friggin’ clothes on.”
Lady on the right: “All I could find was this 1200 thread count Egyptian cotton sheet. Geesh. Don’t be such a prude. I’m just as God made me.”

Oh! That’s where I left it! My trusty old, Indiana Jones backpack. I was hankering for my PB & J, my orange and thermos of milk…

That’s all the sass I will expose you to today. And, since I’ve deprived you for almost a week of my sass-I hope you can handle it.

Am I the only one that ever feels this way in an art museum?

Unbeknownst to you, I’ve been berry, berry sneaky. I kept a secret from all of you-which is very hard for me to do.

Completely unrelated, set your DVR to record Fox 23′s “Great Day, Green Country” this morning at 10 am. 

That is a direct order.

I suppose I did ok?

You know how I’m always sweating it up while being taped LIVE on Fox23′s “Great Day, Green Country“? I’ve surmised that the producers of the show got wise to my pit sweat and-instead of being on live tv-they chose to shoot on location at my favorite vintage store in Tulsa-Cheap Thrills.

Lacey Lett, of “Great Day, Green Country“, and I had a girl’s day last week. We tried on all sorts of fun vintage dresses while being taped for the show that will air this morning. We laughed at the 70′s gold lame pantsuits, we cried when a favorite on the hanger wasn’t a favorite on the body, and we all avoided my awkward pit sweat.

As soon as the video is posted on “Great Day, Green Country’s” website, I will post it right here for your viewing pleasure! But, for now-you have some shopping to do.

♥ ♥ ♥

Here are the links to my other LIVE TV appearances on Fox23′s Great Day, Green Country:

•  Skinny Orange Julius
• Homemade Cleaning Products
• Homemade Beauty Products 
• Homemade Laundry Items
• Homemade Dental Care
• Homemade Crockpot Applesauce
• Non-Toxic Garden Pest Deterrents 

Here are links to my Homemade Household Cleansers and Beauty Products:

• Homemade Hygiene Products
• Non-Toxic Beauty Products
• Non-Toxic Cooking Spray
• Anti-Bacterial Spray
• Easy Laundry Soap
• DIY Brass Cleaner
• Organic Vegetable/Produce Cleaner
• Homemade Household Cleaners

And here are a few Homemade Food Items to easily replace store-bought items:

• Simple, Tasty Granola
• Easy Crockpot Yogurt
• Simple, Homemade Butter
• Cooking and Freezing Beans, avoiding BPA
• Homemade Hummus
• Garden Fresh Salsa

Thanks so much for stopping by and spending time with such a weirdo. Make sure you become a Facebook Fan or a Linky Follower to keep up to date with what this weirdo comes up with next. Have a great day!

Right now, you are totally on my naughty list. True-you are really fuzzy and cute. True-you have adorable, tiny noses that spazz out over the simplest smell.

And, true-your jet black eyes make my heart melt.

However, cute little bunnies-after I have tilled the soil…

…planted dainty little plants…

…why do you don ninja masks and incessantly choose to nibble on my plants in the darkness of the night?!

You kind’ve make me feel like this. And I don’t like feeling like this. Don’t make me get the rubberband gun. 

Sincerely-

A concerned gardening citizen

They’ve been married 36 years. And they’ve been HAPPILY married  for 36 years.

Here are a few things I’ve learned from them:

1. Never fight in front of the kids (or the cats in my scenario-but I’m convinced my cats speak Spanish, so Bicep’s and my “discussions” seem to be lost in translation).

2. Always kiss, hold hands, tell each other you love them until it grosses out everyone else around you-and then some.

3. Put God first, spouse second, kids third and everything else after that. Unless you have cats. Then, it’s a tie for third.

4. If your kids see you reading the Bible every morning, chances are-they’re going to read the Bible every morning. And, if you actually live out what you’re reading, chances are-they’ll do the same.

5. Saying “shut up” is never acceptable.

6. Fining people for filthy behavior (see #5) works only on tightwods (like me).

7. Telling your kids fun stories, roasting marshmallows, camping, catching lightening bugs and taking long walks makes memories. Television does not. (Obviously, unless it’s MacGyver, you are eating popcorn and drinking five-alive).

8. Make sure your pockets/purse contain kleenex, rubberbands, cough drops, paper clips, an eraser, pencils and notecards. These all come in handy when a sermon/lecture/car ride gets too boring.

9. Take an hour out of each week to invest in a one-on-one date with each kid. The ROI is phenomenal.

10. If your kids see you exercising, they’ll want to exercise. And they’ll also want to wear offensively tiny, gray Army-issued shorts, too. Sorry, Dad. It’s just basic math.

Happy Anniversary to the BEST parents this girl could ever hope for. I love you more than coffee, cats, and french fries. 

I cannot deny my love for you.

I shucked my heels and wore sensible flats this time, knowing I would be at the Nelson-Atkins Museum forever. My first stop-this lovely Eames chair. Can a chair be more pure, more beautiful, more simple? Sure, you could have some fancy throne covered in lambs wool and overstuffed to the gills. And you may argue that it is indeed more comfortable. And, you might be right.

But, I would still choose this chair every time.

Turning the corner, I ran smack dab into this Jackson Pollock painting. Be still my coffee-beating heart. I have loved this artist since my first encounter with his work and have not lost my affection yet.

I see a wolf and a lady. What do you see?

This painting had my attention for a solid 15 minutes. The vibrant colors were gorgeous and the darkening sky was beautifully ominous. Some amazingly talented human, with only a brush and some oil paint created this on a white canvas.

I’m happy if I can draw a straight line.

This Subodh Gupta Egg was made exclusively of silver utensils and objects-and signifies the new India.

For some unknown reason, I was drawn to it. I’m a girl. I like shiny things.

I call this one, “Fancy Peas”. It was untitled, so I took liberties with it. Hope that’s alright with Mr. Alexander Ross. (Mr. Ross, maybe you should name your pieces and morons like me wouldn’t take liberties.)

This, of course, reminded me of a cat-a Native American cat. Possibly of the KittenMeow tribe.
(Brad Kahlhamer: Bowery Nation)

I saved the best for last. This installation-”Chromoplastic Mural” by Luis Tomasello (who was 96 at the time) was bold and unique, and the perfect resting spot for my little feet.

The floor is an acceptable place to hang out in a museum, right?

Did you know that I’m from Kansas? I mean, technically I’m from Landstuhl, Germany. But, do the first three years of your life really count?
And did you know that I’m in Kansas right now? Be still my beating heart.

Kansas is where I claim to have grown up. My childhood consisted of sunflower fields, cows, tornadoes, coyotes (pronounced ki-yoat) and snakes. And all that was found just in my backyard.

Due to my extreme nostalgia, it’s no small wonder that sunflowers are my favorite flowers-second only to daffodils. I would drag these ginormous yellow and brown beauties into the house, sending my extremely allergic brother to the brink of insanity. Sorry, Pat. I thought you were just being a wuss and trying to get out of work. We didn’t know about allergies back then.

Heck, I didn’t even know about salad dressing back then.

The only thing better than being in Kansas, is being in my hometown of Manhattan, Kansas at Vista. And eating french fries with my parents while the Beatles play on the jukebox. (But, that’s a whole other side story.)

However, I’m not in Manhattan-I’m in Kansas City, which is the fancy part of Kansas. Unlike Manhattan, Kansas City has museums, real shopping, “districts”, and a major league baseball team. As a little kid, I was always intimidated by Kansas City and thought the kids here were cooler than I was.

I bet they even knew about salad dressing.

I joined Biceps on a overnight work gig, so while he is hard at work, I’m going to go see things like this at the Nelson-Atkins Museum.

And things like this. All. By. Myself. I won’t have to hurry up when I want to stay, or linger when I want to move on.

Let’s review the facts about today:
I’m in Kansas
I’m going to a museum-alone!
Biceps is simultaneously making us money
My meals are paid for

The verdict is: Kansas is friggin’ awesome.

Cheap Thrills is one of my favorite stores in all of the land (Tulsa land, that is).

It has the coolest vintage clothing, decor and jewelry and for the right price-”Cheap”!

I have found my favorite vintage dresses here…

…and my favorite project inspirations-like my Scarf Shirt. (Learn how to make this Scarf Shirt yourself).

So, if you’re bored today and want to be a part of something both weird and awesome…come to Cheap Thrills on 15th Street at high noon. Not low noon-because that, my friends, just doesn’t exist.
♥ ♥ ♥

Here are the links to my other LIVE TV appearances on Fox23′s Great Day Green Country:

•  Garden Pest Deterrent Sprays
• Skinny Orange Julius
• Homemade Cleaning Products
• Homemade Beauty Products 
• Homemade Laundry Items
• Homemade Dental Care
• Homemade Crockpot Applesauce

Here are links to my Homemade Household Cleansers and Beauty Products:

• Homemade Hygiene Products
• Non-Toxic Beauty Products
• Non-Toxic Cooking Spray
• Anti-Bacterial Spray
• Easy Laundry Soap
• DIY Brass Cleaner
• Organic Vegetable/Produce Cleaner
• Homemade Household Cleaners

And here are a few Homemade Food Items to easily replace store-bought items:

• Simple, Tasty Granola
• Easy Crockpot Yogurt
• Simple, Homemade Butter
• Cooking and Freezing Beans, avoiding BPA
• Homemade Hummus
• Garden Fresh Salsa

Thanks so much for stopping by and spending time with such a weirdo. Make sure you become a Facebook Fan or a Linky Follower to keep up to date with what this weirdo comes up with next. Have a great day!

And then I made these.

I got some flack for the picture:
“It’s not normal.”
“It doesn’t have a boring brown backdrop with backlighting that makes my hair glow.”
I am not pretend popping my collar.
I don’t have a huge cheesy grin.
And, it’s the same one I use for my blog.

Guess what?! It’s me. In all my weird glory. And it seems to work for me.

This couple didn’t mind the picture on my biz card when it came to helping them buy their first house-granted this is my brother and sis-in-law.

Maybe they’re more forgiving of my weirdness than the average bear. They do have a lot of bear experience…

At any rate, my brother and his wife were determined to have me as their agent when they purchased their next home. They even waited on me to get my license and wanted to be my first sale!

I owe them big time. And, since they bought another fixer-upper, I’m sure they’ll find a way to allow me to repay them.

(Check out the last house they remodeled. It’s so cool, it was featured in the online magazine Prairie Hive.)